I thought of all the people that came, those who stayed, and those who left.
For several months, I had been very troubled over a very close brother of mine.
Months ago, he broke up with his lover, with a painful ending. He started to change after that. I didn't realise that he had been changing so much until some of my friends commented about him to me.
I knew I should hold him back, and I did so.
Oh well, things didn't work out as I expected. He had a new lover within a few weeks after he broke. And when I said he was desperate, he defended himself by saying that why he couldn't be desperate while I could all the time.
Since then, we drifted further and further apart. He started to ignore my calls and msn messages. The unexpected harsh words stunned me for several times when he replied the messages. He even stopped contacting me altogether after he broke up with his new lover.
This is not the first time.
I thought we would have grown matured enough to talk things out openly, if there is any problem. But I chose to have faith in this friendship.
I chose to believe that he had his reasons.
I chose to believe he would keep his promise of brothers forever.
I chose to believe he would also keep his promise with the no "friend-to-friend relationship".
I chose to believe it was the sadness that made him behave erratically.
I chose to believe while another best buddy of us had already given up.
I took the initiative to contact him for so many times. Until I lost faith.
It hurts,
To be stabbed in the same spot by the same person twice.
It hurts,
To be sentenced without a reason why.
Yet he suddenly asked a friend to pass a message to me,
saying that he was disappointed of me.
I was wondering,
shouldn't I be the one who is feeling disappointed???
Then it dawned on me.
If I decide to move on today, it would be you, who would have lost a true friend who will be there when you are down. I would have nothing to lose today, for I had already lost you months back.
I'm sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind.
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To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
