But what I juggle aren't objects. They are problems. The hard knocks of Life.
So great that any one of them could affect me drastically.
So many that there's no time for me to take a break.
I feel so sorry for my readers.
As there will be few continually of emo posts start from this.
I'm so bothered with so people.
Included the one that I love. And the people I thought they were important in my life.
We shall start from the friendships.
Had an arguement with someone who I always treated her as my bestfriend last night.
I didn't know that she was unsatisfied with me.
Until last night.
" You think you guys are so so special..... besides random sex and all... "
" You know there is this fucking thing about you : its all about you, you and you. "
" When i meet up with you its fucking your problem, your college, your friends. "
" When i talk to you, when is it ... is about me? "
This happened while we were chatting about my loved ones.
She commented me and our friends were very complicated with our relationship stuffs.
Oh well...
I would take the blame,
as I always ranted and whined my problems to her.
Though I didn't always ask about her.
Anyway, it made me think.
Does concerns need to be presented by asking whether you have any problems?
I thought it would be weird if you suddenly asked your friends like that while you are hanging out with them.
I went to ask her whether she was angry with me after I'd heard something from my friend.
And she said she wasn't angry anymore.
In fact, she was so unsatisfied.
Yet last night she said she didn't say it to me because I was having my finals.
She said I should know that she was not an open person that would take the initiative to share her problems.
Besides, she said she could share but... Was she given a chance?
As in, I have never even bothered to listen to my friend's problems.
And I finally realised.
After such a long period, you don't know about me.
Even though you know every problem that takes place within me,
you still don't understand me.
I wonder why Fish could share his problems with me but you couldn't.
I wonder why can't you just open your heart to me.
I thought we were so close that you would tell me your problems by your own.
I thought you were honest to me.
I thought... you might understand me.
However.
You went to discuss things about me to others that didn't even really understand me.
You said you didn't like to gossip about others yet you did that to me.
You said I should understand that you were not that kind of person that would tell out the problems yet you didn't understand that my concerns always came from the other ways.
You judged me.
As a self-centered, egotistical and arrogant person.
I am truly tired.
And I don't know how to salvage the broken pieces.
To be honest,
You're a very nice friend and we do not want to lose you.
I know I should change myself,
To understand the people around me better.
Though I hope that you may be honest to me...
---
- To be continued... (Next post - Have I changed? )
