I'msofreakintiredofeverythingthat'sgoingoninmylifelately. Andipromisemynextpostwillbeahappyone.
Coz,whowantstoreadcrayproblemsoverandoveragain.
Althoughthisismyblog,istilldontwanttokeeprantingaboutshittythings.

Therefore.




happypost.
nextone.
promise.

unlessshitthingshappenandanegativepostisunavoidable.


NITE!

If you have asked for my friendster email address, I think you should remember that I've questioned you back whether which account you are refering to.

And if you have been using friendster for more than 3 years, I think you should have known that the maximum number of friends in Friendster was only 1000.

I have joined Friendster since 2005. It was slowly getting famous. Well, I'd gotten around 40 views every month when I just started using it.

Hell yeah, the number of views grew rapidly after I added some photoshop-ed pictures. Yes, you're right. My real person is not that nice as the pictures.

So, the more nice pictures I added, the more friends and views I got. Then I started to create the other account when the existing ones was full.

When I reached my forth account, Friendster extended the maximum number into 3000. Alright, then those accounts which were full became available.

Anyway, I suddenly realised that I really can't be bothered to manage 4 accounts.
It is very very troublesome.
And I seriously don't see a need for those people to add me but didnt even bother to chat with me.
DO NOT ADD ME JUST FOR THE SAKE OF ADDING. Fxck you!


Was working as a registration officer in a business showcase which held in PWTC.
I was very surprised by meeting my old schoolmates, Ling, over there.
We had a nice chat, truly =]

But then, she asked,

" Why didn't I hear anything about you since last year? You were like just totally disappeared! "

" Err... I came to work in KL right after we graduated from our secondary school ya know.. Besides, I seldom go back to JB as well... So........ "

" I thought you could just contact through online? Don't you have a Friendster or stuffs? Why don't you just add us? "

" ... ... "

Well, I know that there is someone from our class in my friendlist.
And I know that I could have found all my classmates through those classmates which are in my friendlist.

However, I've tried to use more than 30 minutes to look for someone who is in my namelist yet I still couldn't find it.

Then I gave up.


And now,
I hardly send message to my old friends through Friendster.
I hardly view their pictures.
I hardly contact them...

Sometimes I did think about cancel all of them and start all over again.
BUTTTT I know there are people who are watching over me through Friendster.
And my old friends can only use that to contact me now...

--

Sorry for all my friends,

I've finally understood the defination of "FRIENDS".

我知道相爱原本就不容易

爱不是一加一，努力就有结局。。。



S.H.E. finally released their latest album - 我的电台 My Fm.

I heard this song from the album, namely 安静了.

Thought the above few lines sounded meaningful and reminds me that love is never easy.

--

I'm stronger than before, and I WILL BE stronger than ever.

有一种想见不敢见的伤痛

有一种爱还埋藏在我心中

我只能把你放在我的心中


我只能说我有些难过

我也真心真意的等过

Friendship -Part 2-

So...


Few nights ago, two friends of mine said to me that i have changed since they first met me. They have known me for quite a while. And it made me think. Have I really changed? And I think I have to agree with both of them. And I'm sure that many of my friends out there would agree with them as well.


Change is not always bad i guess. And I dont think i have changed for the worse. Steven said that I'm less friendly and stuff. LOL. I find that quite funny. I thought I wasn't always friendly to everyone? And it reminded me of what Reann commented about me last time. She said I was so harsh and mean in msn. I wasn't a person like that in two years ago.


Anyway, I guess in a way I can see where they are coming from. Having gone through so much in these years, I think I'm just more protective of myself. My guard is up. I'm trying to be more careful. More aware of things around me. More alert. I want to be able to pick up on things before something bad happens.


Before this I was rather childish. Naive. Vulnerable. Foolish and ......
And yeah. Change was much needed.


Well I can't really say that I'm a very mature person now. Somehow I think I'm a better person compared to the previous me. =)


And I can say that I'm doing well. I haven't changed in personality or in my morals and beliefs in life. Everything good still stands. It's my weaknesses that needs fixing. But some things I guess I can never change about myself. I'm not gonna list them here. Lol. Cuz people that read will use it against me.


Well. People that care and worry about me:

I'm doing alright. I'm pushing through. It's not gonna be easy. But everyone goes through problems. =)

And I am thankful that I do have friends that hold my hand and walk with my through life. Even though they may not be physically here with me.


- There's just too much that time cannot erase...

Friendship [Part 1]

I feel like a juggler. That's juggling non-stop.

But what I juggle aren't objects. They are problems. The hard knocks of Life.

So great that any one of them could affect me drastically.
So many that there's no time for me to take a break.

I feel so sorry for my readers.
As there will be few continually of emo posts start from this.

I'm so bothered with so people.
Included the one that I love. And the people I thought they were important in my life.

We shall start from the friendships.

Had an arguement with someone who I always treated her as my bestfriend last night.

I didn't know that she was unsatisfied with me.
Until last night.

" You think you guys are so so special..... besides random sex and all... "
" You know there is this fucking thing about you : its all about you, you and you. "
" When i meet up with you its fucking your problem, your college, your friends. "
" When i talk to you, when is it ... is about me? "

Should I say I was disappointed with these words?

This happened while we were chatting about my loved ones.
She commented me and our friends were very complicated with our relationship stuffs.

Oh well...
I would take the blame,
as I always ranted and whined my problems to her.
Though I didn't always ask about her.

Anyway, it made me think.
Does concerns need to be presented by asking whether you have any problems?
I thought it would be weird if you suddenly asked your friends like that while you are hanging out with them.


I went to ask her whether she was angry with me after I'd heard something from my friend.
And she said she wasn't angry anymore.
In fact, she was so unsatisfied.
Yet last night she said she didn't say it to me because I was having my finals.

She said I should know that she was not an open person that would take the initiative to share her problems.
Besides, she said she could share but... Was she given a chance?
As in, I have never even bothered to listen to my friend's problems.

And I finally realised.

After such a long period, you don't know about me.
Even though you know every problem that takes place within me,
you still don't understand me.

I wonder why Fish could share his problems with me but you couldn't.

I wonder why can't you just open your heart to me.

I thought we were so close that you would tell me your problems by your own.
I thought you were honest to me.
I thought... you might understand me.

However.
You went to discuss things about me to others that didn't even really understand me.
You said you didn't like to gossip about others yet you did that to me.
You said I should understand that you were not that kind of person that would tell out the problems yet you didn't understand that my concerns always came from the other ways.

You judged me.
As a self-centered, egotistical and arrogant person.

I am truly tired.
And I don't know how to salvage the broken pieces.
To be honest,
You're a very nice friend and we do not want to lose you.

I know I should change myself,
To understand the people around me better.
Though I hope that you may be honest to me...

---

The scars run deep,

But I still care.

- To be continued... (Next post - Have I changed? )

This time,

IT IS REALLY OVER.



Growing up means accepting painful truth.

Tagged...

As stupiak Benny tagged me -.- I just simply answer the questions below...
Don't expect good English~!!!

The last person to tag you is?
- Benny [F*ck you=.=]

What relationship of you with him/her?
- Good friend, my clubbing kaki :P

Your 5 impressions towards him/her?
- Still a kid :P , Skinny as I am, LaLa (it means gangster's look), funny then... BITCH >.<

The most memorable thing that he/she has done to you.
- He shook his butts with me :X

The most memorable words that he/she has said to you.
- [So far there is no memorable words from him LOL ]

If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
- Wow it's funny. Well, let's say IF.. I think I will stop him from drinking coke DAILY.

If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?
- I will provide him coke until he dies. :P

If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on?
- His over-reliance on others.

If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason is...
- He snatches the person I like. LOL!

The most desirable thing to do for him/her is?
- Well, last time I wish to cut his hair.. But he has cut them off.. So, NONE for now.

The overall impression to he/her is...
- Bitch!! hahahaha~

How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
- Unfriendly, mean, harsh, emo.

The character for you for yourself is?
- As above :P

On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
- I'm a person way too nostalgic.

The most ideal person you want to be is?
- David Beckham. He is damn sexy :X

For the person who cares and likes you, say something about them.
- Mummy I love you :)

Ten people to tag:
1. Qin
2. Irene
3. Anderson
4. Daniel
5. Pikey
6. CheeSoon
7. Jamie
8. Endrick
9. Carter
10. Alby

Who is number 2 having relationship with?
- She is still single.

Is number 3 a male or female?
- Male

If number 7 and number 10 be together would it be a good thing?
- It's funny... LOL!!

How about number 5 and number 8?
- Hahahahaha... I can't stop myself from laughing.

What is number 1 studying about?
- Interior Design.

When was the last time you had a chat with them?
- Well.. Can't be bothered to list all.

Is number 4 a single?
- Perhaps.

Say something about number 2.
- She is my old friend and I miss her... Long time never chatted with her. Hope that she is fine.

Those who were tagged by me... Don't bite me ler >.<

People come, and people go.

I thought of all the people that came, those who stayed, and those who left.


For several months, I had been very troubled over a very close brother of mine.

Months ago, he broke up with his lover, with a painful ending. He started to change after that. I didn't realise that he had been changing so much until some of my friends commented about him to me.

I knew I should hold him back, and I did so.

Oh well, things didn't work out as I expected. He had a new lover within a few weeks after he broke. And when I said he was desperate, he defended himself by saying that why he couldn't be desperate while I could all the time.

Since then, we drifted further and further apart. He started to ignore my calls and msn messages. The unexpected harsh words stunned me for several times when he replied the messages. He even stopped contacting me altogether after he broke up with his new lover.

This is not the first time.

I thought we would have grown matured enough to talk things out openly, if there is any problem. But I chose to have faith in this friendship.


I chose to believe that he had his reasons.
I chose to believe he would keep his promise of brothers forever.
I chose to believe he would also keep his promise with the no "friend-to-friend relationship".
I chose to believe it was the sadness that made him behave erratically.
I chose to believe while another best buddy of us had already given up.

I took the initiative to contact him for so many times. Until I lost faith.

It hurts,
To be stabbed in the same spot by the same person twice.

It hurts,
To be sentenced without a reason why.


Yet he suddenly asked a friend to pass a message to me,
saying that he was disappointed of me.

I was wondering,
shouldn't I be the one who is feeling disappointed???

Then it dawned on me.


If I decide to move on today, it would be you, who would have lost a true friend who will be there when you are down. I would have nothing to lose today, for I had already lost you months back.

I'm sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind.

--

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

Still struggling...

3 more papers to go...

God bless me!

I'm kinda sick and tired of disappointing myself.

and the people around me.

I don't like letting people down.

as well as disappointing them.

But.

I seem to always do it.

I try to be strong. but actually i'm really weak.

And... i don't know.

It's gonna change.

something has gotta change.

and i guess. it'll have to be me.

I don't wanna live like this anymore.

Sometimes I don't stop trying,
Because I believe it's not the end.

Sometimes I refuse to give up,
Because I believe there is still hope.

If I ever get too irritating,
It's because I care.

If I ever get too noisy,
It's because I need to be heard.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have been quite busy these days.
My first term of studies has finally come to the end.

Time flies.
I can't believe the final assessment weeks came so fast.
Gonna be a term-2 student just in one month!

Have finished few papers and there are 5 more papers to go.
God bless. Hopefully it will not be too bad.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forgive me for ever thinking I stood a chance…

My car's running meter has finally exceeded 10,000km.

Suddenly I wonder how often I have been travelling around in these past 3 months.
Well, I've gotten this car since last year August.
It was only 3,000++ km when I drove my car back to JB in May.
I know it sounds impossible but honestly I didn't go anywhere as I kept on sitting at home playing online game.
And hell yeah I drove more than 6,000km in 3 months.
I seriously think that I should try to go out less as it can cut down on my petrol expenses.


Next,

Have bought a new pet.
I don't know whether you have heard about sugar glider.
Sugar glider is similar in body size to a hamster though their needs are totally different.
It is a pet that will be your companion and connect with you in a special way.
And we will need to go through this process with the same attitude as we would with a puppy.

However,
it doesn't work that simply to me.
To be honest, I have only held Patty(her name) once since I got her last Wednesday.
She always screams whenever I get closer to her =.=
Then I dare not to take her out.
Sigh.... It may take a little time to tame her I guess.
Thanks to Will and JaanHong for providing me so much of the info about that :P


Then,

Have been watching a lot of movies these days.
Or maybe since June? LOL!

Well, watched Zohan yesterday and Babylon today. With the companion of Yoke Mun, Jessica, Monica, Cindy, Alvin and Sashi.
Was really NOT impressed at all!
I wonder why the quality of movies are getting lower and lower nowadays.

After the movie...
We went for SUSHI!

Can't believe that I've never taken sushi for more than 1 month!
Gosh!!

Wasabi! Miss it sooooo muchhhhhhhh. Haha.

Jessica & Cindy freaked out when they saw how I ate the Wasabi :P

My favorite :P

Hohoho~ 4 of us. (YokeMun, C, Jessica, Cindy)

Last but not least,

Would like to share a very meaningful song to you. :P

There are 15 famous female singers worked together to support the Cancer's cause.

Just Stand up to Cancer: Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Fergie, Sheryl Crow, Melissa Etheridge, Natasha Bedingfield, Miley Cyrus, Leona Lewis, Carrie Underwood, Keyshia Cole, Leann Rimes, Ashanti and Ciara.

Enjoy!!