You shiver uncontrollably, even when it's not cold.

You see patterns in the wall.

You always need to sit down, because your legs are jelly.

You stop eating, because you're always too busy thinking you're not good enough,

trying to figure out what went wrong.

You read the same line over and over, but nothing makes sense.

You lose your weight.

You're always hungry, but food tastes like cardboard.

You find it hard to swallow.

You stop feeling.

You can't sleep without a sleeping pil.

You always want to be alone.

You tell everyone you're fine.

You do stupid things.

Everything is one big fog.

You never remember anything.

You find yourself staring into space.

You wish you weren't here.

You take long walks without knowing where you're heading.

You're always angry.

You stare at the veins in your body, wondering why blood still flows when the organ pumping it is broken into pieces.

You stare at the clock, counting down minutes.

You keep writing messages to the same person but you never press the button 'Send'.

You always need a fag.

You always crave a drink.

You wish people stop talking to you.

You replay your life in your head.

You listen to the same song repeatedly.

You have to remind yourself to breath.

You hate people touching you.

You snap at everyone.

You say things you don't mean.

You hate explaining yourself.

... ...

And nothing really matters. Anymore.

I tried so hard to forget you.

But...

For everything I do, I just couldn't do...

DO I HAVE TO CRY FOR YOU?

Bring this smile back to Cray.


Oh no. He's Benjamin...

It's been long while I never smile like that... -_-"

Well...

I DO miss old days.

Life is complicated after I came to KL.

Or maybe worse than that ._.

I miss the days that I smiled at the old schoolyard...
I miss the days that I teased my friends in the school canteen.
I miss the days that we did everything we could to raise fund for our school.

I miss S3AC3.
I miss Debate and Speech Society.
I miss Foon Yew High School.
I miss LunHao, HaoMing, ZhiZhen, WenYa, ZhiHui.
I miss PeiTing, XueQi, HuiHui...

I miss my silliness.
I miss my childishness.
I miss my naive-ness.
I miss .........................

Argh....

It's been a very long time I never sleep well.
And I don't know why.
Sometimes I really wish I could sleep deeply.

It has also been such a long while I never laugh out loud.
I miss the days I laughed with tears in the classroom.
How long exactly is it that I never laugh like that?
Well... I lost count.

What I know is,
I'm not happy...

Put that smile back to Benjamin!!!



- Happiness always promises a hope by which people go on living.

Well... Feeling lazy to blog actually.

Endrick complaint that my fonts were too small in the previous two posts.

Hmmm... Ok I'll use the BIGGER one :D

Many things had happened.

A lot of friends said that I was so busy. LOL.

Went Genting twice last week.

Well, I really feel exhausted by driving to Genting.

However, I really love Genting. :P

Felt a bit disappointed cuz didnt get to the outdoor theme park.

I miss the roller coaster soooooooooo much.

HaoMing is back from Taiwan.

So sad that I've no chance to meet him.

Anyway it's glad to hear his voice. Haha.

I promise I'll be back to JB when you come back next time.

LOL.

Watched the Happening and Kungfu Panda.

Seriously... I don't like them.

It's been long while that I'm not impressed by movies.

I miss those animes like Finding Nemo and stuffs.

Hmm...

Nicholas & Cray

Cray & Gerald

It's time to sleep :P

Goodnight.

- You are what you are by what you believe.

A boring day.

Again.

Phew...

Look at the news today.

Petrol price increased again.

Well it's a steep hike.

And broke the record as well.

I'm sure Malaysian motorists were shocked by the sudden increase of 78 cents in petrol price with effect from today.

Either me too.

This significant increase has severely affected the motorists particularly from the low and middle class society.

As they need to fork out their own pocket money to pay each time they refuel their vehicles.

I was frustrated.

When I saw the news that the ministers and some rich guys said all Malaysian should solve this coming inflation together and bla bla bla.

We are not ministers.

We do not earn that much.

We are not given any fuel allowances by the Government or our company.

Those people would not feel the pinch as they never seem to bother because the cost is not bear by them.

So they can just say those rubbish to us.

How if they only earn RM2,000 per month? Ask them to tell us how to divide our money.

I seriously think about one thing.

How am I going to divide my pocket money this time?
Less shopping? Less travelling? Eat less?

With the sudden price increase in fuel, consumer goods, utilities, etc... Everyone began to wonder where we are heading to.

I believe that the current government is well aware that they will lose the next election.

Those ministers claimed that the reason of the price hike is the government carry too heavy subsidies.

If this carry on, the government will go bankrupt.

But just think again, where is the money we paid for road taxes, income taxes.... etc? Development? Does Malaysia need any development at this moment? Even the public transportations do not reach the standard yet.

Has the government ever tried to make the public transport to become better???

If the public transport were clean, proper and safe, we would definitely use them. Our LRTs does not have enough seats and a lot of people does not bother to give up their seats if they see a mother with children or a senior citizen or a pregnant woman. Our buses have improved compared with the bus minis those days but buses does not enter many residential areas and the bus routes are not very clear hence it confuses many people. I waited at KTM, the time indicates reach at 7:15, but never on time it reaches. KTM delays often.

And when the government said they have too much burden on subsidies of petrol, we still can see that our beloved country is still hard-pressed to go ahead with its "Super Duper Ultimate Space Programme".

I seriously have no idea what the purpose of this programme is.

And what do we get in return at the end? What sort of experiments have you conducted in space to make our lives easier? So what if they can make teh tarik or flip a roti canai in space?

I think the people needs the money more than the importance of sending another to space.

And just stop cheating people by using the diagram shows the comparison with those countries without oils.

Malaysia has oils! Compare with the other countries which produce oils as well.

Anyway, cost of living is increasing beyond control now.

I have to spend lesser from now on...

I'm back.

Haha. It has been almost a year I've never blogged.
Well, since I have stopped blogging for so long, I decide to change to Blogspot.
Goodbye, Xanga.
LOL.


What Should I Blog About In My First Entry?

Hmm... seriously, I've nothing much to blog about.
So I'll just write about what I've done since last year.


I enrolled business course at Monash in last year July.
After I quited from fragrance industry.
Well, it was not my decision actually, but of my family.
I was thinking to take hospitality.
Anyway, my family thought that my future career will be limited in hotel industry if I took that.
As a result, objections were made.
I know it sounds stupid but I just really couldn't do anything with their constant stubbornness.


Hohoho. Life in Monash was great.
It's really a nice university.
It has good environment for sure.
No matter from the lecture hall, classroom or the auditorium, it's just really comfortable.


However, my studies weren't well.
The results were just okay but not in good condition.
And... I was really uncomfortable with what I was doing.
After a long period of struggling in Monash, I stopped the course by my own.
LOL.


At the same time, I was unintentionally addicted to an online game.
Haha. Just really addicted.
It was such a very long period.
Really.


And I have to say sorry to those friends that I neglected during that period.
SORRY.
And also. THANK YOU. For those who are still standing by my side.


Of course, I was screwed by my family.
For my studies in Monash. And also the online game :P
And I finally told them I wasn't happy. AT ALL.
It's pointless to ask me to do something that I'm not feeling to do.
To be frank, I'm not sorta people to do sales... :S
Hmmm......


After wasting a year, with a large amount of fees...
My family finally let me take hospitality in Taylors College.


Less people take an instant to see the light.
I used nearly a year.
And seriously I nearly lost myself by playing that online game.
Online games are scary. (When you play without controlling yourself.)


The next intake will be in 8th July.
And I dont know what I should do while waiting the date to reach.
I'm bored. Bored. And bored. :(
Bahhhhhhh!!! And I just cant wait to go to school!!
And that will be my new life.

I promise.

-- End --